Nobody knows the secret grudges we hold against ourselves. We deny ourselves freedom, peace, love, abundance and even nourishment as silent punitive measure for the lies we've told, the people we've hurt, the failures we've been counting. To make matters worse, when we hold our misgivings in secret, false beliefs about ourselves form as a result. All the while, beliefs such as "I am bad, unworthy, dirty or I can't be trusted" become the mantra we live by and try desperately to hide from everyone around us. The good news is that we each hold the key to our own release from this self imposed imprisonment.
When I recently offered a teary apology to an old acquaintance, it was my husband who reminded me, 'Now you just have to take your own advice and forgive yourself'. And the longest, hardest road began. Still I talk to myself daily about my past actions, how embarrassed I am today, how could I have done that, what was I thinking. The difference today is that I seek more to understand myself and my former actions rather than to judge them. It reminds me of the serenity prayer which is one of the oldest, simplest and a personal fave. It asks simply for the ability to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change that which we can and the wisdom to know the difference. As such, humbly making amends opened the door to a deeper acceptance; finally accepting the inevitable- I cannot change anything that occurred before this moment and holding myself in a vice grip of despair and embarrassment only causes me to lose more moments.
So whatever offense, mistake or harm you've done and secretly hold against yourself playing judge, jury and executioner, consider choosing the path less traveled today. Consider forgiving yourself, counting yourself as human and allowing yourself as many foibles as everyone else. Consider accepting the inevitable truth that you cannot change your past and the greater truth- that you don't need to. In this most powerful now, you only need to release yourself from the clench of punishment in order to move forward in truth, in freedom and in healing.
From my heart to yours,
Rev. Sala
