Am I Good Enough?

"The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlight reel." Steve Furtick

I believe that the BKTY movement resonates strongly with people who are like me.  It does stand to reason that the work I find most authentic is the sharing of a journey I've traveled and now return to share my healing balm with others who face similar battles.  We are people who have become temporarily stuck in our minds, in the ideas and images we've created to aspire to.  Our reasoning is often very legitimate since the tender truth of who we are was disregarded or taken advantage of in the past.  Enough mistakes and disappointments trying to survive as a rabbit in a hound’s world and we began creating a new idea to mold ourselves in the image of; a smarter, faster, stronger version of ourselves.   

I found one major problem with such a strategy- I was unconsciously comparing my 'behind-the scenes' state to other people’s 'highlight reel' which was both unrealistic and unfair to me.  This is where we heady folks get our ideas of perfection which we actually believe to be universal.  And we are so hard on ourselves, we want so badly to succeed, to be happy, to finally 'get it right', that we never stop to notice that other people aren't really so different or better, we just happen to be watching the onstage version of their lives.   When I did this, I was in a fog of critical thinking so I couldn't be fully present in my own life nor could I see the overwhelmingly positive ways I was often affecting other human beings.  While the person I’d become was already enough, I was watching a composite of other people’s highlight reels in my mind and trying desperately to measure up to it.

So our new judgment becomes, "I am not good enough" and the new evidence is our inability to replicate those highlight reels.  That's when it is literally time to get real.  Not as a humorous Three Stooges slap in the face but a quiet, sobering, paying attention to what's really occurring before us rather than the show in our minds.  The next time “Am I good enough?” arises, see how desperate everyone is to 'get it right', see how afraid everybody is to admit that they feel unsafe or weak, to reveal their deepest fears.  Just like us.  Pay attention to the way some people seem to appreciate your presence in their lives even when you aren't doing anything you think of as special.  Just take your hands off the oars for a day or two and let your boat float downstream.  See if someone pretty cool doesn't already emerge as you without the heady ideal to strive towards.  Just see who you are without that judgment, because if you're like me it’s probably been quite a while since you lived without that thought and it becomes pretty hard to remember who you really are. So, here's a nudge; the answer really is YES!!!

From my heart to yours,

                    Rev. Sala

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Wouldn't you like to feel safe?

This movement, BKTY- Be Kind to Yourself espouses practices of self compassion which encourage us  to return to ourselves over and over again with an unconditional love knowing that such a power will overcome anything.  Many of us do not even have the memory of ever experiencing unconditional love from another human being.  Yet to truly accept, love and nurture ourselves we need to cultivate such a possibility  for ourselves within our own hearts.  This is no easy feat.  BKTY was created to guide and support you on that very challenging journey knowing that the experience of self compassion can change the trajectory of countless lives and, in turn, the culture of our society.

The promise of this practice is powerful and simple; Instead of living in a mind that is a battle ground of self doubt and depreciation, we will live in a mind that is primed for generosity, creativity and societal cooperation.  This is the paradigm shift of the human race occurring within the individual consciousness.  But enough of lofty terms for today- I simply leave you with this; as you join this movement and apply the practices of self compassion, at the root of your daily experience, you will begin to feel safe living in your own skin.  Just think for a moment about how seldom you actually feel safe.  That lack of safety causes an avalanche of worry, doubt and fear that rule your moments.  To actually have the moment by moment experience of safety, is a gift that can change the quality of your life forever.  

As a gift to you, we are giving away a FREE Guided Meditation that introduces a short practice that you can use to cultivate self compassion.  Sign up to download the free meditation and enjoy the gift of compassion today- for yourself.  In joy!

From my heart to yours,

Rev. Sala

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The Most Important Relationship You'll Ever Have

The BKTY movement is pure and simple- we are inspiring one another to create a relationship of kindness with ourselves. However, as we all know, pure and simple doesn't always mean easy.  A friend recently remarked, "Everyone knows that they should be kind to themselves". And I had to admit that I once 'knew' as well but did not practice. No amount of knowledge can change our personal credo, our beliefs about ourselves and the resulting actions we take, or lack thereof. Since knowledge and wisdom, applying that knowledge to our lives, are such vastly different experiences, perhaps what we need is to give ourselves the permission to actually practice kindness with ourselves.

Recently, I wrote an article for Natural Awakenings magazine; "The Most Important Relationship You'll Ever Have".  I referred to the fundamental relationship we have with ourselves.  The beliefs we hold about ourselves, the thoughts we harbor and the way we treat ourselves all reflect this most essential relationship.  The BKTY movement is the encouragement and the permission for all of us to nurture this most profound center of our lives.  This is the center of  our kindness continuum.  When we find the health and strength of self compassion we are empowered to love more deeply in our relationships, give more generously in our communities and meet the response-ability to release our gifts into the world.

Most of us don't admit that we berate, abuse and criticize ourselves several times daily. As a spiritual counselor I see many people who uncover a depreciating relationships with themselves but would never admit that outside of our sessions. As I'll share with you in the days to come, I was also once inundated with a monstrously overbearing critical voice that drove me to despair.

With new awareness, shifts in consciousness and spiritual practices, gradually, I could see what others saw and even the beauty within me that they did not yet know. So I urge you to share your own ideas of what it means to be kind to yourself.   I also encourage you to uncover the truth about your relationship with yourself.  And this movement will be a road of healing and self compassion that we all walk together.

The action happens here on the blog so let's engage the conversation; What does it mean to be kind to yourself?  Share your experience!

From my heart to yours,

Rev. Sala 

The Minister of Self Compassion