Am I Good Enough?

"The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlight reel." Steve Furtick

I believe that the BKTY movement resonates strongly with people who are like me.  It does stand to reason that the work I find most authentic is the sharing of a journey I've traveled and now return to share my healing balm with others who face similar battles.  We are people who have become temporarily stuck in our minds, in the ideas and images we've created to aspire to.  Our reasoning is often very legitimate since the tender truth of who we are was disregarded or taken advantage of in the past.  Enough mistakes and disappointments trying to survive as a rabbit in a hound’s world and we began creating a new idea to mold ourselves in the image of; a smarter, faster, stronger version of ourselves.   

I found one major problem with such a strategy- I was unconsciously comparing my 'behind-the scenes' state to other people’s 'highlight reel' which was both unrealistic and unfair to me.  This is where we heady folks get our ideas of perfection which we actually believe to be universal.  And we are so hard on ourselves, we want so badly to succeed, to be happy, to finally 'get it right', that we never stop to notice that other people aren't really so different or better, we just happen to be watching the onstage version of their lives.   When I did this, I was in a fog of critical thinking so I couldn't be fully present in my own life nor could I see the overwhelmingly positive ways I was often affecting other human beings.  While the person I’d become was already enough, I was watching a composite of other people’s highlight reels in my mind and trying desperately to measure up to it.

So our new judgment becomes, "I am not good enough" and the new evidence is our inability to replicate those highlight reels.  That's when it is literally time to get real.  Not as a humorous Three Stooges slap in the face but a quiet, sobering, paying attention to what's really occurring before us rather than the show in our minds.  The next time “Am I good enough?” arises, see how desperate everyone is to 'get it right', see how afraid everybody is to admit that they feel unsafe or weak, to reveal their deepest fears.  Just like us.  Pay attention to the way some people seem to appreciate your presence in their lives even when you aren't doing anything you think of as special.  Just take your hands off the oars for a day or two and let your boat float downstream.  See if someone pretty cool doesn't already emerge as you without the heady ideal to strive towards.  Just see who you are without that judgment, because if you're like me it’s probably been quite a while since you lived without that thought and it becomes pretty hard to remember who you really are. So, here's a nudge; the answer really is YES!!!

From my heart to yours,

                    Rev. Sala

 Like BKTY on Facebook

Follow BKTY on Twitter 

                          Click here to get your FREE Guided Meditation

It's okay...

Put the mean critical voice in your head on an unpaid leave today. It's okay to give it yourself a break.

BKTY

Be Kind to Yourself Movement

www.BKTY.info

Inspiring the world to make the shift from self-criticism to Radical Self Love and Compassion.

Not Enough. Not Doing Enough. Don't have Enough. Say What??

Somebody raise both hands and post a comment if you can find yourself in this story.  I'll call myself out first...

Recently I've been writing a book in all of my "spare" time.  My writing group calls it a literary memoir and, in order for my story to add value to other people's lives, the chapters of the book have to really delve into some of the hard experiences in my past.  It’s important stuff to include since the purpose of the book is really to share the powerful healing and transformation I experienced.  Sounds pretty good, right?

Well, the problem arose when I traveled back to times when I felt helpless, depressed or just plain crazy and I had a very hard time coming back and getting grounded again.  I don't usually live in my story because it isn't who I am.  Although I was led to share my transformation and lessons of discovery, I wasn’t fully prepared for the resurgence of self-criticism that came over me during the writing process.  Before I knew it, my writing came to a complete standstill.  Then I believed that I had so many other things to do besides writing the book.  I busied myself with being busy while disappointment began to pile right on top of the secret judgment that had already been growing in my mind.

What a whirlwind I created in a matter of hours!  Outwardly, very little time had passed but my internal world was gridlocked. Fortunately, this effect of my book writing process called me to practice what I preach in a new way- a way I otherwise would not have known that I needed.  Instead of the vast transformations of the past, this was more like maintenance work in the garden of my mind.  I was called to go within until I finally caught the weed.   My weed was the thought, "I am not enough.  I am not doing enough.  I don't have enough."  That was it!

There I was sitting in a silent meditation when I caught it and my eyes flew open instantly as I drew a gasping breath.  Wow.  That's a huge weed.  Have I been listening to that?  Believing that in any way shape or form? No wonder I was so stuck and creatively blocked all of a sudden!  I returned to alignment quicker than before but I was reminded of a huge lesson in that recent experience.

We are never done with the maintenance and care of our minds.

We are never done with the maintenance and care of our bodies.

We are never done with the work of staying true and aligned with our souls.

As long as the words, "I am not enough. I am not doing enough. or I don't have enough." resonate with us in any way, shape or form, we are not done Realizing the Truth of our Being.

Limitless.  Formless. Bountiful. Beautiful. Essence.  This is what I truly am.  This is what you truly are.  Let's remember together.  BKTY-  Now that's the movement.

Don't leave me hanging folks.  Post your comments.  That's the way we grow the truth, the message and the movement!

From my heart to yours,

Rev. Sala

Self Medicate with Kindness

I'm going out on a limb here.  I'm going to reveal how truly passionate and radical I am about this BKTY movement.  Its scary and intimidating but I'm going for it...

I submit that self compassion is the medicine we've all been waiting for. This is the solution to our society's ills- the ones we think of as complicated and permanent like violence, poverty, hunger and many mental illnesses. No, we aren't reinventing the wheel.  Of course it has always been available but as the old saying goes, "Sometimes we can't see the forest for the trees." So, I'm saying that being kind to ourselves, self compassion, is the medicinal we all crave for  every disorder from depression to suicide.  There- I've said it and I'm not taking it back.

Here's the breakdown- We humans are all essentially the same.  We have different circumstances but the internal landscape is always the same- rising and falling each day to a mental tape recorder that asks the same questions over and over again.  What am I doing?  Can I really do that?  What will they think of me?  Will I get hurt?  How can I protect myself? Will I have enough?  Am I enough?

Go ahead. Admit it.  Its OK- I know about the mental recorder because I have one too. It doesn't have much faith in me or anything else, it always wants to look good and avoid looking bad.  It is constantly afraid of not having enough money, love, time- you name it.  And it insists on replaying every hurtful event and emotion I've ever experienced in a grave effort to convince me that life is scary and people can't be trusted, most of all myself.  The root of this thinking is holding onto some conclusion I made about myself when I hadn't even hit puberty yet.  When that goes unchecked, many of us continue adding new assumptions about ourselves right on top of that shaky foundation.  Before long we're sabotaging our health, relationships and finances and can't remember why.  The shaky foundation built by a kid becomes our credo-  what we deeply believe to be true about ourselves.

I call the mental recorder EGO and it is a lovely acronym for Edging Good Out. To be fair and clear, we must also understand that we have this faculty as a very efficient protective mechanism whenever things happen that we don't understand, hurt us or threaten our sense of self.  As the soul strengthens and we discover that the ego is not who we are, we can choose to listen or not. Whenever I hear that recorder trying to edge good out, I come back with self compassion.  That's right, ego can't survive in the presence of true love and compassion.  So I lay it on myself big time.  My ego says, "People are really going to think you're crazy.  You'd better shut up."  That's when I look in the mirror and acknowledge the truth, "I am so grateful for my brave, clear soul.  When I speak the truth, those who have eyes to see and ears to hear it will be glad and grateful as well."

It works wonders.

Moreover, it is a skill that builds strength like our body's muscles.  The more you exercise this kindness muscle with yourself, the weaker ego becomes.  Meanwhile you become a self compassionate God or Goddess bringing a brighter, stronger presence everywhere you go.

Try it on!  And tell us about your experience because we believe that you have the power to heal your own fear, self doubt and self criticism which lies at the root of our human dis-eases.  To actually experience kindness and compassion, rather than conceptualizing or talking about it, will make violence, injustice and competition archaic paradigms of the past and virtually impossible to replicate.

Sharing your experiences, whether in ego or Goddess mind, allows your strength and life mastery to grow.  So get your soul exercise on and post those comments today...

We've made it much easier to post comments below- so go for it!

From my heart to yours,

Rev. Sala
The Minister of Self Compassion

Like BKTY on Facebook

Follow BKTY on Twitter