BKTY for Stress Relief!

Everyone in this world suffers from some form of stress. Whether you wear your stress on your sleeve and keep yourself out of activities or you stifle your stress in some recess of your mind and do not let the world know about it, the fact is that everyone does experience stress. Some people are well equipped to handle and release the stress that they face, while others simply do not have such tools. 

Keep reading. You are going to learn some great secrets here, which if you employ in your lifestyle, you will be taking your life in a whole new direction.

Last week, I spent a day on foot in Manhattan and it was one of the hottest days of the summer yet.  The city was humid, the sun high, bright and beating down on me relentlessly as I walked for miles carrying my heavy bags and water bottle.  A day that I'd planned to be an adventure was quickly turning into a torturous rendezvous and my plans for the evening required that I remain nearby.  Had I insisted on 'thugging it out', proving my strength and solvency under the sun and weight of those bags, I would not have noticed the beautiful respites I eventually found.   Accepting and admitting to myself my increasing discomfort and desire to find relief and quiet amidst the noise and bustle, I sought a church and library and found both within minutes.  In the church, the sanctuary was open, cool, quiet and inviting to all.  Upon placing my bags on the empty benches, I collapsed in my sweaty clothing and began to allow the quiet to soothe me.   It was a moment of compassion for myself, the weary traveler.  And I allowed no judgment to follow.  

Before long, I'd found my way into a quiet meditation and I found myself smiling and feeling filled with appreciation for myself, the day, the church and even the brightness of that summer sun.  Just then, a man entered the church hurriedly as if he were quenching some deep thirst.  My meditation was interrupted so I opened my eyes and they followed him to the front of the sanctuary where I noticed that he seemed intoxicated.  He was not loud but boisterous and his steps were unbalanced, his gestures wide and overstated.  My mind began to judge this until I noticed that he was boldly praying in this inebriated state.  

He placated to the statues, kneeling on the floor and in a conversation with his Higher Power as he gestured overhead and slapped his own chest to indicate his heart opening.  I was immediately overtaken by embarrassment for him- his raw, rough prayer, the lack of elegance and unabashed conversation for all to witness.  And then, as quickly as it came, the embarrassment was replaced with awe.  I humbled myself watching the drunken, unashamed man find soothing comfort for what ailed him regardless of who may be watching and judging him.  He found respite and expressed his love, his sorrow without apology or the slightest attempt to fit in.  

Then, the lesson for me became clear and I thanked him;  Had I the courage that day to pray for myself without judgment and criticism, I too would wave my arms in the air and speak openly to my Source.  I too would have laid the stress and strife down on any altar available to me and be openly, unabashedly kind to myself.  How grateful I am for that teacher.

He helped me to see that I am often holding on to the notion that I am not supposed to be stressed and that to admit that I am experiencing stress is some sign of defeat or weakness. He helped me to find the compassion for my stressed mind and the places it lives in my body so that it can be healed, released and learned from.  I do hope that you will use me, make great use of my lessons and find the same compassion for yourself as you accept and admit your own stress as one of the first steps to healing.  

The truth is that stress cannot be wished away. If you are stressed, you need to take immediate action so that it doesn't impede your progress. Many of us can find a stressful situation more daunting because we are not willing, or have not given ourselves permission to speak up. We need to sit down and accept that we are stressed. This is a very important first step in eliminating the factors that can cause turmoil.

Wishing you acceptance and release!

From my heart to yours,
Rev. Sala

 Like BKTY on Facebook

Follow BKTY on Twitter 

                          Click here to get your FREE Guided Meditation

Can You Heal Your Inner Critic?

Since I was recently featured on Care2.com's healthy living initiative, I perused some of the other authors and found one whose former article speaks volumes for the BKTY- Be Kind to Yourself Movement.  Many thanks to Care2.com for allowing us to share the article with our readers.  This is another brave voice for the healing, the awareness and the movement. Enjoy!

Can You Heal Your Inner Critic?

By Melanie Bates

This isn’t going to be very funny, or witty, or humorous, my friends, but I still think you’ll relate to my son-of-a-bitch of an inner critic.  In fact, I daresay you have one too – possibly a bit less crass, a bit nicer, but you’ve got one nonetheless.

I’m heading in to surgery the day before my 41st birthday.  While finishing up my last semester of college I found a lump in my throat which I blatantly ignored as I studied for finals, wrote my senior thesis, and waited on the edge of my seat to find out if my Valedictorian nomination would mean I had to give a speech to thousands of kids, twenty-some years younger than I, wearing green gowns and caps with yellow tassels.

While I ignored this lady lump on the surface, my subconscious was busy deciding that I needed to move home to be closer to family.  Everyone in my circle asked after my plans “where will you live?” or “what will you do?” I had no idea and, for the first time in my life, I didn’t see a clear vision of my future or of what I wanted.

Now I know why.

After I settled into my brother’s house with three other adults, four children, and a passel of dogs, my conscious mind told me to get my shit together and deal with the lump.  I went in for tests and was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis.  (Typically, I adore all things Asian, this. . . not so much.)  I was told I needed an ultrasound and when the technician spent an inordinately long amount of time in the same two spots, and then called in her supervisor, I knew something wasn’t right.  I mean, I know they’re not allowed to tell you anything, and I’m not a rocket scientist, but their faces, mannerisms, and excessive picture taking was clue enough for my dim wit.

After it was confirmed that I had, not one, but a few lady lumps, I was told I needed a biopsy to see if the big “C” was present.  I’m not afraid of needles, per se, but when said needles are mining around in your throat like a jackhammer on a Saturday morn in New York City, it tends to get a bit intense.

Then I waited.  And I waited, and I waited for that path report. For eleven days my Inner Critic and I argued back and forth:

Inner Critic: You have cancer, you git.  It’s all those Nerd Ropes you’ve eaten over the years.  Not to mention the Sunkist Orange soda and countless hours spent in front of the tv playing Zelda.

Me: I don’t have cancer.

Inner Critic: Yeah you do, and when you were thirteen you stole a pack of your mom’s cigarettes so you could look cool and twenty-some years later you’re still huffing, trying to look cool inside. Your best friend is a menthol light.

Me: I don’t have cancer.

Inner Critic: You’re going to die right after you’ve moved home to be closer to your family.  Look at all those years you were away.  Look at all you missed.  What?  So you could go to a Journey concert and ride on a tractor?  So you could dive out of a plane?  So you could learn to surf and be the only white girl dancing the soul train? So you could finish college with the most marketable degree ever? Ha! English/Creative Writing and Religious Studies?  The recruiters are just lining up, aren’t they?  You’re a selfish bitch.

Me: .  .  .

Inner Critic: You should have never laid out on the trampoline sunbathing with tinfoil under your thighs.  You should have never microwaved your popcorn.

And the dialogue continues.

Then the nurse called.

My lumps were non-diagnostic.  Essentially, in laymen’s terms, they have no unearthly idea if they’re cancerous or not.  So, the doctor recommended a surgeon and I’m to have my thyroid and these lumps removed posthaste.

This isn’t an easy decision for someone who believes in the emotional correlation to physical illness.  My Inner Critic and I had a few choice words over this as well:

Inner Critic: What do you need your thyroid and those lady lumps for? Decoration? A place to hang your scarves?

Me: But what if I can just deal with the emotional issues behind this and get well on my own?

Inner Critic: Who do you think you are? Louise-f*cking-Hay? Why don’t you just write an affirmation on the mirror with that ugly ruby red lipstick you wore last Halloween.  Poof! You’re healed.

Me: I feel like these lumps are a manifestation of the fact that I’m not using my voice.  I’m not writing.

Inner Critic: Well, laddddeeeee-f*cking-dah.

Me: It just feels so circular.  I’m not writing so I’ve developed a health condition that’s screaming at me to use my voice.  I’m not writing BECAUSE I have a health condition that’s affecting my voice.

Inner Critic: Get over yourself Louise, you’ve got lipstick on your teeth.  You’re going to die before you’ve finished your novel and you will have wasted your life and your purpose.

Yup, my Inner Critic is the meanest a-hole I’ve ever encountered.

This is far from over.

Is it just me or does anyone else have a NASTY inner critic?  Is it possible to bring healing to our inner critics? How do you get your inner critic to shut its piehole? Advice wholly welcome.

Thanks again to Melanie Bates and Care2.com. You can read more from Melanie at http://femmetales.com/.
Post your comments, let us know how this resonates with you.   And be kind to yourself!

From my heart to yours,

Rev. Sala

 Like BKTY on Facebook

Follow BKTY on Twitter 

                                              Click here to get your FREE Guided Meditation

Wouldn't you like to feel safe?

This movement, BKTY- Be Kind to Yourself espouses practices of self compassion which encourage us  to return to ourselves over and over again with an unconditional love knowing that such a power will overcome anything.  Many of us do not even have the memory of ever experiencing unconditional love from another human being.  Yet to truly accept, love and nurture ourselves we need to cultivate such a possibility  for ourselves within our own hearts.  This is no easy feat.  BKTY was created to guide and support you on that very challenging journey knowing that the experience of self compassion can change the trajectory of countless lives and, in turn, the culture of our society.

The promise of this practice is powerful and simple; Instead of living in a mind that is a battle ground of self doubt and depreciation, we will live in a mind that is primed for generosity, creativity and societal cooperation.  This is the paradigm shift of the human race occurring within the individual consciousness.  But enough of lofty terms for today- I simply leave you with this; as you join this movement and apply the practices of self compassion, at the root of your daily experience, you will begin to feel safe living in your own skin.  Just think for a moment about how seldom you actually feel safe.  That lack of safety causes an avalanche of worry, doubt and fear that rule your moments.  To actually have the moment by moment experience of safety, is a gift that can change the quality of your life forever.  

As a gift to you, we are giving away a FREE Guided Meditation that introduces a short practice that you can use to cultivate self compassion.  Sign up to download the free meditation and enjoy the gift of compassion today- for yourself.  In joy!

From my heart to yours,

Rev. Sala

 Like BKTY on Facebook

Follow BKTY on Twitter 

                                             Click here to get your FREE Guided Meditation

Imagine...

Imagine scooping up thoughts of self-doubt and criticism with a bubble wand and gently waving them into the air. Watch them drift away...

BKTY

Be Kind to Yourself Movement

www.BKTY.info

Inspiring the world to make the shift from self-criticism to 

Radical Self Love and Compassion.

Get your nap on!

 

Get your nap on!

When we reclaim the well-being we are privy to right now,

we give others the freedom to do the same. BKTY




BKTY
Be Kind to Yourself Movement
www.BKTY.info

Inspiring the world to make the shift from self-criticism to 
Radical Self Love and Compassion.

The Science of Self Compassion

                                                                                                                                                                   

"When you are compassionate with yourself,

you trust your soul, which you let guide your life. 

Your soul knows the geography of your destiny better than you do." 

-John O'Donohue

I don't know about you folks but I like some science to back up my spirituality.  Yes, I'm a minister because I can share what I know to be true from experience not just what I've heard or studied- no airy fairy stuff here.  I love the challenge of mixing in the scientific evidence that merges the fields and reminds us that all truth is essentially one and the same.

So, let's look at the facts behind this movement and the idea of self compassion.  What does that really mean?  It's really very simple; Compassion means to hold someone in your heart. Self compassion is a practice of holding yourself in your own heart. That could sound like intangible stuff, right? It certainly did to me once. Then I began testing my hypothetical self inquiry; What if we tried showing ourselves a little compassion instead of tearing ourselves down? What if we were actually kind to ourselves and believed that we are worthy?  And I saw that there is quite a bit of research supporting the movement and the results I saw personally and in my clients were astounding.

There’s a new field of research that says that self-compassion may be the most important life skill, imparting resilience, courage, energy and creativity.  BKTY- Be Kind to Yourself is the call to deeply know ourselves as the miraculous, sacred souls that we are and the permission to take compelling right actions to nurture and express that True Self in the world.

Just think about it- Due to our overly-competitive society, researchers speculate the tendency to choose self-punishment, rather than self-compassion, is on the rise. People often believe that punishing themselves will keep them in line and ultimately keep them safe.

Oh contraire! Self-criticism can lead to hostility, anxiety, and depression which are issues that can block us from realizing our full potential. Self-critics also report feeling like they have lower energy levels, and often subconsciously engage in self-sabotaging strategies, such as procrastination and overeating.

As for the type A overachievers out there, myself included, let’s just get it out in the open- our most common fear about becoming self-compassionate is that we will become weak willed, it will lower our performance standards and encourage laziness.

Think again- researchers have found that self-compassionate people are actually less likely to sit on the couch all day. All of this might begin to sound like you are indulging yourself, but researchers don't find that at all. People who practice self-compassion tend to have higher standards, work harder and take more personal responsibility for their actions.

So now we have the science to support the spirit.  Why did we ever believe the two were separate anyway??  Don't buy that hype :)  Be kind to yourself.  It's Science, it's Spirit, it Works.


From my heart to yours,

Rev. Sala

 Like BKTY on Facebook

Follow BKTY on Twitter 

Get your FREE eBook here

Mirror, mirror on the wall...

Hey folks!  Today is Day 1 of our BKTY 10 day Challenge and I am completely psyched!  You all probably have your eBooks by now.  If you don't have one, click here to pop over to the site and grab one.

You'll get a kick out of the way the universe called me into living today's challenge.  Here I am the ring leader of this whole movement, right?  And I'm supposed to be conscious every minute and catch my own self criticism and judgment, right?  And certainly always living the message, right?  Well, the Universe said, “Not so much today sweetie".  

I wake up this morning, stretch, do my meditation and bowing practice, feeling energized, embodied and amazing.  And I go into the bathroom to wash my face but first I  look up into the mirror.  Ofcourse I knew that today we are practicing engaging ourselves in the mirror with eye contact and extending an authentic smile to ourselves.  So I intended to smile as if it were the first time- you know, the way I encourage everyone else to do it.  

Wouldn't you know it, I had eye contact in the mirror and my attention was instantly hijacked by a plump, juicy zit.  Yep, right on the bridge of my nose, right between the eyes!  If that isn't a grain of sand in my spiritual oyster shell I don't what is. I’ll be honest with you, my knee jerk reaction was not so conscious and kind to myself.  Nope, for a second there I just exclaimed, "Where the heck did that come from?"

But here's how I make a pearl with every grain of sand; I caught my own gaze again, hear myself and burst out laughing.  Humor is healing.  I can't take myself too seriously and neither should you.  Or we risk ending up in that old ego grip of self judgment again and we get no pearl, no truth about who we really are.  You see?  So I LOL’ed at myself and then I got back on the horse.  Looking into these baby brown eyes and smiling at who- not what- I saw in the mirror.

“Your reflection does not define your worth!”

Yes, I know today's challenge won't be easy for most of us.  So just let it out.  LOL, holler or jump up and down.  And then re-engage yourself, your own reflection and extend that smile to yourself.

Post a comment and tell us how it felt for you today.  Please don't leave me hanging out here!

Make your pearl today,

Rev. Sala

 Like BKTY on Facebook

Follow BKTY on Twitter 

Not Enough. Not Doing Enough. Don't have Enough. Say What??

Somebody raise both hands and post a comment if you can find yourself in this story.  I'll call myself out first...

Recently I've been writing a book in all of my "spare" time.  My writing group calls it a literary memoir and, in order for my story to add value to other people's lives, the chapters of the book have to really delve into some of the hard experiences in my past.  It’s important stuff to include since the purpose of the book is really to share the powerful healing and transformation I experienced.  Sounds pretty good, right?

Well, the problem arose when I traveled back to times when I felt helpless, depressed or just plain crazy and I had a very hard time coming back and getting grounded again.  I don't usually live in my story because it isn't who I am.  Although I was led to share my transformation and lessons of discovery, I wasn’t fully prepared for the resurgence of self-criticism that came over me during the writing process.  Before I knew it, my writing came to a complete standstill.  Then I believed that I had so many other things to do besides writing the book.  I busied myself with being busy while disappointment began to pile right on top of the secret judgment that had already been growing in my mind.

What a whirlwind I created in a matter of hours!  Outwardly, very little time had passed but my internal world was gridlocked. Fortunately, this effect of my book writing process called me to practice what I preach in a new way- a way I otherwise would not have known that I needed.  Instead of the vast transformations of the past, this was more like maintenance work in the garden of my mind.  I was called to go within until I finally caught the weed.   My weed was the thought, "I am not enough.  I am not doing enough.  I don't have enough."  That was it!

There I was sitting in a silent meditation when I caught it and my eyes flew open instantly as I drew a gasping breath.  Wow.  That's a huge weed.  Have I been listening to that?  Believing that in any way shape or form? No wonder I was so stuck and creatively blocked all of a sudden!  I returned to alignment quicker than before but I was reminded of a huge lesson in that recent experience.

We are never done with the maintenance and care of our minds.

We are never done with the maintenance and care of our bodies.

We are never done with the work of staying true and aligned with our souls.

As long as the words, "I am not enough. I am not doing enough. or I don't have enough." resonate with us in any way, shape or form, we are not done Realizing the Truth of our Being.

Limitless.  Formless. Bountiful. Beautiful. Essence.  This is what I truly am.  This is what you truly are.  Let's remember together.  BKTY-  Now that's the movement.

Don't leave me hanging folks.  Post your comments.  That's the way we grow the truth, the message and the movement!

From my heart to yours,

Rev. Sala

The Most Important Relationship You'll Ever Have

The BKTY movement is pure and simple- we are inspiring one another to create a relationship of kindness with ourselves. However, as we all know, pure and simple doesn't always mean easy.  A friend recently remarked, "Everyone knows that they should be kind to themselves". And I had to admit that I once 'knew' as well but did not practice. No amount of knowledge can change our personal credo, our beliefs about ourselves and the resulting actions we take, or lack thereof. Since knowledge and wisdom, applying that knowledge to our lives, are such vastly different experiences, perhaps what we need is to give ourselves the permission to actually practice kindness with ourselves.

Recently, I wrote an article for Natural Awakenings magazine; "The Most Important Relationship You'll Ever Have".  I referred to the fundamental relationship we have with ourselves.  The beliefs we hold about ourselves, the thoughts we harbor and the way we treat ourselves all reflect this most essential relationship.  The BKTY movement is the encouragement and the permission for all of us to nurture this most profound center of our lives.  This is the center of  our kindness continuum.  When we find the health and strength of self compassion we are empowered to love more deeply in our relationships, give more generously in our communities and meet the response-ability to release our gifts into the world.

Most of us don't admit that we berate, abuse and criticize ourselves several times daily. As a spiritual counselor I see many people who uncover a depreciating relationships with themselves but would never admit that outside of our sessions. As I'll share with you in the days to come, I was also once inundated with a monstrously overbearing critical voice that drove me to despair.

With new awareness, shifts in consciousness and spiritual practices, gradually, I could see what others saw and even the beauty within me that they did not yet know. So I urge you to share your own ideas of what it means to be kind to yourself.   I also encourage you to uncover the truth about your relationship with yourself.  And this movement will be a road of healing and self compassion that we all walk together.

The action happens here on the blog so let's engage the conversation; What does it mean to be kind to yourself?  Share your experience!

From my heart to yours,

Rev. Sala 

The Minister of Self Compassion