Can You Forgive Yourself?

So much easier said than done, forgiveness is one of those lofty terms folks like to throw around at Sunday services but rarely dare to practice.  While we are often aware of the need to release our abusers, parents, friends and family members from the vice grip of our steely grievances, the greatest measure of courage is required to release ourselves from those claws of criticism.  Those of us who have found our way to the path of forgiveness have yet to add ourselves to the list of accusers awaiting this reprieve.

Nobody knows the secret grudges we hold against ourselves.  We deny ourselves freedom, peace, love, abundance and even nourishment as silent punitive measure for the lies we've told, the people we've hurt, the failures we've been counting.  To make matters worse, when we hold our misgivings in secret, false beliefs about ourselves form as a result.  All the while, beliefs such as "I am bad, unworthy, dirty or I can't be trusted" become the mantra we live by and try desperately to hide from everyone around us.  The good news is that we each hold the key to our own release from this self imposed imprisonment.

When I recently offered a teary apology to an old acquaintance, it was my husband who reminded me, 'Now you just have to take your own advice and forgive yourself'.  And the longest, hardest road began.  Still I talk to myself daily about my past actions, how embarrassed I am today, how could I have done that, what was I thinking.  The difference today is that I seek more to understand myself and my former actions rather than to judge them.  It reminds me of the serenity prayer which is one of the oldest, simplest and a personal fave.  It asks simply for the ability to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change that which we can and the wisdom to know the difference.  As such, humbly making amends opened the door to a deeper acceptance; finally accepting the inevitable- I cannot change anything that occurred before this moment and holding myself in a vice grip of despair and embarrassment only causes me to lose more moments.

So whatever offense, mistake or harm you've done and secretly hold against yourself playing judge, jury and executioner, consider choosing the path less traveled today.  Consider forgiving yourself, counting yourself as human and allowing yourself as many foibles as everyone else.  Consider accepting the inevitable truth that you cannot change your past and the greater truth- that you don't need to.  In this most powerful now, you only need to release yourself from the clench of punishment in order to move forward in truth, in freedom and in healing.

From my heart to yours,

Rev. Sala

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BKTY for Stress Relief!

Everyone in this world suffers from some form of stress. Whether you wear your stress on your sleeve and keep yourself out of activities or you stifle your stress in some recess of your mind and do not let the world know about it, the fact is that everyone does experience stress. Some people are well equipped to handle and release the stress that they face, while others simply do not have such tools. 

Keep reading. You are going to learn some great secrets here, which if you employ in your lifestyle, you will be taking your life in a whole new direction.

Last week, I spent a day on foot in Manhattan and it was one of the hottest days of the summer yet.  The city was humid, the sun high, bright and beating down on me relentlessly as I walked for miles carrying my heavy bags and water bottle.  A day that I'd planned to be an adventure was quickly turning into a torturous rendezvous and my plans for the evening required that I remain nearby.  Had I insisted on 'thugging it out', proving my strength and solvency under the sun and weight of those bags, I would not have noticed the beautiful respites I eventually found.   Accepting and admitting to myself my increasing discomfort and desire to find relief and quiet amidst the noise and bustle, I sought a church and library and found both within minutes.  In the church, the sanctuary was open, cool, quiet and inviting to all.  Upon placing my bags on the empty benches, I collapsed in my sweaty clothing and began to allow the quiet to soothe me.   It was a moment of compassion for myself, the weary traveler.  And I allowed no judgment to follow.  

Before long, I'd found my way into a quiet meditation and I found myself smiling and feeling filled with appreciation for myself, the day, the church and even the brightness of that summer sun.  Just then, a man entered the church hurriedly as if he were quenching some deep thirst.  My meditation was interrupted so I opened my eyes and they followed him to the front of the sanctuary where I noticed that he seemed intoxicated.  He was not loud but boisterous and his steps were unbalanced, his gestures wide and overstated.  My mind began to judge this until I noticed that he was boldly praying in this inebriated state.  

He placated to the statues, kneeling on the floor and in a conversation with his Higher Power as he gestured overhead and slapped his own chest to indicate his heart opening.  I was immediately overtaken by embarrassment for him- his raw, rough prayer, the lack of elegance and unabashed conversation for all to witness.  And then, as quickly as it came, the embarrassment was replaced with awe.  I humbled myself watching the drunken, unashamed man find soothing comfort for what ailed him regardless of who may be watching and judging him.  He found respite and expressed his love, his sorrow without apology or the slightest attempt to fit in.  

Then, the lesson for me became clear and I thanked him;  Had I the courage that day to pray for myself without judgment and criticism, I too would wave my arms in the air and speak openly to my Source.  I too would have laid the stress and strife down on any altar available to me and be openly, unabashedly kind to myself.  How grateful I am for that teacher.

He helped me to see that I am often holding on to the notion that I am not supposed to be stressed and that to admit that I am experiencing stress is some sign of defeat or weakness. He helped me to find the compassion for my stressed mind and the places it lives in my body so that it can be healed, released and learned from.  I do hope that you will use me, make great use of my lessons and find the same compassion for yourself as you accept and admit your own stress as one of the first steps to healing.  

The truth is that stress cannot be wished away. If you are stressed, you need to take immediate action so that it doesn't impede your progress. Many of us can find a stressful situation more daunting because we are not willing, or have not given ourselves permission to speak up. We need to sit down and accept that we are stressed. This is a very important first step in eliminating the factors that can cause turmoil.

Wishing you acceptance and release!

From my heart to yours,
Rev. Sala

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