Want to Go from OK to Awesome?

Thank you Corey for posting this honest comment.  It is wonderful to see that you are being sparked and engaged by this movement.  You speak for many of our readers who are struggling with the same question;

"I know it's not good to be critical of ourselves to the degree that many of us are.  However, isn't self improvement something we should all be striving for, each day of our lives?  I'm not saying that we're not good as we are, but I think that recognizing our innate power to achieve higher heights is one of the things that makes us great.  We have, and should want to exercise, the ability to change ourselves from ok to awesome."

I'm so grateful to Corey for being honest and saying aloud the concerns many people have in the back of their mind's when they hear " Be Kind to Yourself".  It is the challenge of our old way of thinking which says that we need to get more, do more, be more- essentially the result of the core belief, "I am not enough."  Oh yes, I know that one very well.  Been there, done that and I have the tee shirt to prove it :)  I remember clinging to those beliefs even though they clearly didn't work.  It was completely innocent but I had no idea such a belief was running my life.  Thinking that the only way I'd continue to find progress in my life was to berate or criticize myself only fed the core problem- I was disconnected from the true me- the core of who I am that already is everything I think I need to become.  I was never just 'ok' and neither are you.  Hear that?  There is a core within each of us that already is everything that we think we need to become.

The question Corey poses is how do we make sure we are always striving to go "from ok to awesome" and BKTY says you  already are awesome Corey.  You just didn't know it, haven't seen it consistently yet, perhaps are even afraid of your own awesome-ness.  Be kind to yourself does not mean that you remain stagnant and never grow.  In fact, if you try it you'll find that this has just the opposite effect.  You change everything within yourself that stands in the way of expressing your awesomeness.  And you make those changes from Love, from Kindness, because your sole motivation is an understanding that Awesome is what seeks to be expressed as you.

Here's the fact that our critical, judgmental egos want us to ignore:  When I change myself with Love and Kindness, the changes are positive and empowering.  When I change myself by nagging, making myself stupid or thinking that I need 'fixing', the changes are negative and self-defeating.

So Be Kind to Yourself and see how you thrive and grow.  Thanks again Corey, and y'all keep sending in the feedback - it's delicious to be engaged!

Love ya,
Rev. Sala

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BKTY

Be Kind to Yourself Movement

www.BKTY.info

Inspiring the world to make the shift from self-criticism to 

Radical Self Love and Compassion

The Science of Self Compassion

                                                                                                                                                                   

"When you are compassionate with yourself,

you trust your soul, which you let guide your life. 

Your soul knows the geography of your destiny better than you do." 

-John O'Donohue

I don't know about you folks but I like some science to back up my spirituality.  Yes, I'm a minister because I can share what I know to be true from experience not just what I've heard or studied- no airy fairy stuff here.  I love the challenge of mixing in the scientific evidence that merges the fields and reminds us that all truth is essentially one and the same.

So, let's look at the facts behind this movement and the idea of self compassion.  What does that really mean?  It's really very simple; Compassion means to hold someone in your heart. Self compassion is a practice of holding yourself in your own heart. That could sound like intangible stuff, right? It certainly did to me once. Then I began testing my hypothetical self inquiry; What if we tried showing ourselves a little compassion instead of tearing ourselves down? What if we were actually kind to ourselves and believed that we are worthy?  And I saw that there is quite a bit of research supporting the movement and the results I saw personally and in my clients were astounding.

There’s a new field of research that says that self-compassion may be the most important life skill, imparting resilience, courage, energy and creativity.  BKTY- Be Kind to Yourself is the call to deeply know ourselves as the miraculous, sacred souls that we are and the permission to take compelling right actions to nurture and express that True Self in the world.

Just think about it- Due to our overly-competitive society, researchers speculate the tendency to choose self-punishment, rather than self-compassion, is on the rise. People often believe that punishing themselves will keep them in line and ultimately keep them safe.

Oh contraire! Self-criticism can lead to hostility, anxiety, and depression which are issues that can block us from realizing our full potential. Self-critics also report feeling like they have lower energy levels, and often subconsciously engage in self-sabotaging strategies, such as procrastination and overeating.

As for the type A overachievers out there, myself included, let’s just get it out in the open- our most common fear about becoming self-compassionate is that we will become weak willed, it will lower our performance standards and encourage laziness.

Think again- researchers have found that self-compassionate people are actually less likely to sit on the couch all day. All of this might begin to sound like you are indulging yourself, but researchers don't find that at all. People who practice self-compassion tend to have higher standards, work harder and take more personal responsibility for their actions.

So now we have the science to support the spirit.  Why did we ever believe the two were separate anyway??  Don't buy that hype :)  Be kind to yourself.  It's Science, it's Spirit, it Works.


From my heart to yours,

Rev. Sala

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Not Enough. Not Doing Enough. Don't have Enough. Say What??

Somebody raise both hands and post a comment if you can find yourself in this story.  I'll call myself out first...

Recently I've been writing a book in all of my "spare" time.  My writing group calls it a literary memoir and, in order for my story to add value to other people's lives, the chapters of the book have to really delve into some of the hard experiences in my past.  It’s important stuff to include since the purpose of the book is really to share the powerful healing and transformation I experienced.  Sounds pretty good, right?

Well, the problem arose when I traveled back to times when I felt helpless, depressed or just plain crazy and I had a very hard time coming back and getting grounded again.  I don't usually live in my story because it isn't who I am.  Although I was led to share my transformation and lessons of discovery, I wasn’t fully prepared for the resurgence of self-criticism that came over me during the writing process.  Before I knew it, my writing came to a complete standstill.  Then I believed that I had so many other things to do besides writing the book.  I busied myself with being busy while disappointment began to pile right on top of the secret judgment that had already been growing in my mind.

What a whirlwind I created in a matter of hours!  Outwardly, very little time had passed but my internal world was gridlocked. Fortunately, this effect of my book writing process called me to practice what I preach in a new way- a way I otherwise would not have known that I needed.  Instead of the vast transformations of the past, this was more like maintenance work in the garden of my mind.  I was called to go within until I finally caught the weed.   My weed was the thought, "I am not enough.  I am not doing enough.  I don't have enough."  That was it!

There I was sitting in a silent meditation when I caught it and my eyes flew open instantly as I drew a gasping breath.  Wow.  That's a huge weed.  Have I been listening to that?  Believing that in any way shape or form? No wonder I was so stuck and creatively blocked all of a sudden!  I returned to alignment quicker than before but I was reminded of a huge lesson in that recent experience.

We are never done with the maintenance and care of our minds.

We are never done with the maintenance and care of our bodies.

We are never done with the work of staying true and aligned with our souls.

As long as the words, "I am not enough. I am not doing enough. or I don't have enough." resonate with us in any way, shape or form, we are not done Realizing the Truth of our Being.

Limitless.  Formless. Bountiful. Beautiful. Essence.  This is what I truly am.  This is what you truly are.  Let's remember together.  BKTY-  Now that's the movement.

Don't leave me hanging folks.  Post your comments.  That's the way we grow the truth, the message and the movement!

From my heart to yours,

Rev. Sala

Self Medicate with Kindness

I'm going out on a limb here.  I'm going to reveal how truly passionate and radical I am about this BKTY movement.  Its scary and intimidating but I'm going for it...

I submit that self compassion is the medicine we've all been waiting for. This is the solution to our society's ills- the ones we think of as complicated and permanent like violence, poverty, hunger and many mental illnesses. No, we aren't reinventing the wheel.  Of course it has always been available but as the old saying goes, "Sometimes we can't see the forest for the trees." So, I'm saying that being kind to ourselves, self compassion, is the medicinal we all crave for  every disorder from depression to suicide.  There- I've said it and I'm not taking it back.

Here's the breakdown- We humans are all essentially the same.  We have different circumstances but the internal landscape is always the same- rising and falling each day to a mental tape recorder that asks the same questions over and over again.  What am I doing?  Can I really do that?  What will they think of me?  Will I get hurt?  How can I protect myself? Will I have enough?  Am I enough?

Go ahead. Admit it.  Its OK- I know about the mental recorder because I have one too. It doesn't have much faith in me or anything else, it always wants to look good and avoid looking bad.  It is constantly afraid of not having enough money, love, time- you name it.  And it insists on replaying every hurtful event and emotion I've ever experienced in a grave effort to convince me that life is scary and people can't be trusted, most of all myself.  The root of this thinking is holding onto some conclusion I made about myself when I hadn't even hit puberty yet.  When that goes unchecked, many of us continue adding new assumptions about ourselves right on top of that shaky foundation.  Before long we're sabotaging our health, relationships and finances and can't remember why.  The shaky foundation built by a kid becomes our credo-  what we deeply believe to be true about ourselves.

I call the mental recorder EGO and it is a lovely acronym for Edging Good Out. To be fair and clear, we must also understand that we have this faculty as a very efficient protective mechanism whenever things happen that we don't understand, hurt us or threaten our sense of self.  As the soul strengthens and we discover that the ego is not who we are, we can choose to listen or not. Whenever I hear that recorder trying to edge good out, I come back with self compassion.  That's right, ego can't survive in the presence of true love and compassion.  So I lay it on myself big time.  My ego says, "People are really going to think you're crazy.  You'd better shut up."  That's when I look in the mirror and acknowledge the truth, "I am so grateful for my brave, clear soul.  When I speak the truth, those who have eyes to see and ears to hear it will be glad and grateful as well."

It works wonders.

Moreover, it is a skill that builds strength like our body's muscles.  The more you exercise this kindness muscle with yourself, the weaker ego becomes.  Meanwhile you become a self compassionate God or Goddess bringing a brighter, stronger presence everywhere you go.

Try it on!  And tell us about your experience because we believe that you have the power to heal your own fear, self doubt and self criticism which lies at the root of our human dis-eases.  To actually experience kindness and compassion, rather than conceptualizing or talking about it, will make violence, injustice and competition archaic paradigms of the past and virtually impossible to replicate.

Sharing your experiences, whether in ego or Goddess mind, allows your strength and life mastery to grow.  So get your soul exercise on and post those comments today...

We've made it much easier to post comments below- so go for it!

From my heart to yours,

Rev. Sala
The Minister of Self Compassion

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